Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
