I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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