It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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