How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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