Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
