Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
