A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
