Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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