I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
