respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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