"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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