weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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