the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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