Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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