Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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