Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
