The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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