I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
