No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
