drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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