I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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