Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
