I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
