Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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