we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
