He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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