We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
