Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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