it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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