yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
