hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
