I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
