What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
