Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
