The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
