I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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