you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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