so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
