Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
