its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
