apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
