i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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