I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
