Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
