no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
