she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
