rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
