you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
