Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
