Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
