And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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