can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
