Pants 0. Shit 1.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
