I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
