As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
