You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
