when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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