She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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