Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
