Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
