We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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