i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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