I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
