so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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