I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
