dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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