Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
